Dear SR,
I’m clearly not very good at keeping a promise. I told you I’d write more and yet here I am arguably months later. Looking back I seem to write most of these letters this time of year. Something about April just reminds me of you I suppose. That was sarcasm if you couldn’t tell. Anyways, I guess I’m writing because I am having another one of those pathetic moments. I feel like every time I write it is to make some grandiose revelation that will forever change how I move forward. Yet, every time without fail, I end up back here.
Maybe that’s okay though. Or…maybe I’m lying to myself. Can’t even get to the next paragraph without admitting that now. Is that progress? I’m not certain. Maybe I’m looking for the wrong resolution to my persistent complications with living with a semblance of satisfaction. Perhaps its not about finding the one feeling that puts it all into perspective. Perhaps its about starting on a new puzzle instead.
It’s kind of already going that direction, isn’t it? I mean you’re in my head. Maybe you can give some better insight than I can. Whatever fragments of what there was before seem to be dwindling as rook and I have evolved past what we came from. I don’t even know if I could even see much of him in me anymore.
That got me thinking. What if I could do that again? I know that isn’t something you can force. Well, at least not that I am aware of. If there was just some way to start something new, something that doesn’t rely on picking up the pieces of the past that seems to bind me no matter how much help I seek out.
With rook around more and more than he was years past, I can’t help but think these kind of things. Maybe that’s a bit extreme though. I have a tendency for irrational thought.
I’m gonna keep this one short. I don’t really have much more to add and I’m getting quite tired. Have less and less energy each day. If high school me could see me now. How disappointed he would be. Have a good night.
love always,
wb