Dear SR,
So, I’ve been pretty discouraged at my seeming inability to create. I feel a real sense of passion for many of the arts, but I can’t seem to push myself to partake in crafting any of it. Sometimes I think I’m just lazy. Maybe that’s part of it. If it were just that though, I think I’d be able to recognize that and really push myself to end that habit for the love of the arts. I think I have moments of drive, but they just feel as though they are being overwritten.
I don’t know if its the very common feeling of inadequacy, or the fear of failure, or possibly even the worry that what I envision just won’t translate well. It’s hard to say, but I feel as though there is something holding me back that I cannot easily explain. That isn’t for a lack of trying either. I try to pinpoint it on many occasions.
In fact, sometimes I worry that the answer is something so simple that I just don’t want to admit. I just really want to identify it so I can try to overcome it. Not that I’ve ever really been very proficient at pushing through my self inflicted roadblocks. It would be funny if it just turned out to be a lack of discipline. Actually, that probably wouldn’t be funny. That sounds more disappointing when I really think about it. Almost sad really.
At the same time though I don’t want it to be some complex dynamic issue that’s going to take me a long time to push past. I already feel like I’ve wasted so much time. It’s not even a feeling really. More of a fact.
I’m being indecisive again, aren’t I? That’s very me. Can’t decide if I want my problems to be one track or multifaceted. Both have the unfortunate reality of having characteristics that ultimately make me upset.
So yeah, if you have any thoughts on the matter feel free to let me know. I’m sure as hell lost and you always seem to be able to think more clearly than I do.
love always,
wb