Dear SR,
I need to start off apologizing for the last couple of letters. I get too wrapped up in my own thoughts and then find myself questioning everything and anything. Doesn’t take long for me to spiral from that. I need to find more footing before I go spewing out thoughts like that. I don’t recall quite what I wrote, but I have a sort of gross feeling about the contents of those letters. I suppose that is par for the course with these though. I don’t really want to read them again. I feel like I’d rather just move on.
It kind of feels a like that’s ignoring it and pretending it didn’t happen. I don’t think that’s what I’m doing here, but I can’t say much for certain. I’m trying to not make as broad strokes with dilemmas such as these. How am I doing on that front? Not as good as I could be likely.
I just want to start again.
On another note, I am finding myself getting more bothered by simple inconsequential things. Things that I feel like shouldn’t matter. I’m having trouble figuring out if that’s a good thing or not. I mean I don’t want to just shut out something I can’t seem to control, but I don’t know if that’s the proper thing I should feel from something like that. I think I’d rather just get over these sorts of things, but I don’t. So I am finding myself a bit confused on whether or not to spend time thinking about them. They certainly aren’t that important in the grand scheme of things. Perhaps it’s just something that is best put to rest; or maybe it’s better to seek out resolution for these sort of things. It’s hard for me to tell if I am trying not to care, or if I am caring too much about these sorts of things. I don’t even really want to get into the details of it. I’m worried I will learn that it’s more deeply rooted in something else.
It’s funny how we tend to tie everything to something else. Maybe that’s not an everybody thing. Feels like it is though.
Anyways, I just wanted to write something a little less neurotic than the mess of words I vomited the other night. With that being said I think I’ll end this here.
love always,
wb